I look in
the mirror and I don’t recognise the girl staring back. I look and feel big –
just another day in my over sized jumper and stretched out jeans. I have to
hide everything. I’m bloated, my favourite top that used to show off my waist
is sprawled out in a pile of clothes that no longer fit, and instead I put on a
baggy t-shirt. Baggier the better. The more I hide, the more chance that nobody
will notice how much weight I’ve put on. As I’ve doubled in size – it feels
like I’ve doubled anyway – my confidence has halved, slowly deteriorating until
there’s nothing left. I walk around in a body that doesn’t feel mine; I’m
trapped and see no way out.
‘I’d try to put the comment to the back
of my mind, but it would come back to haunt me, along with the guilt, soon
after my next binge’
“You’ve
changed Laura. You look so different from when we were at school!” they said.
You’d think that would be a positive thing; who still wants to look like their
young teenage selves with that haircut you’ll always regret, overly plucked
brows, and foundation lines? But in my head, I knew what they meant. I’d laugh
nervously and try to put the comment to the back of my mind, but it would come
back to haunt me, along with the guilt, soon after my next binge.
This has
been a long time coming and it really starts to hit home how far I’ve come when
I look back at moments like that. I remember the guilt and shame that would hit
me when I ate the last chocolate bar, knowing full well how it would make me
look and feel, and it was that moment when I stopped and looked at myself in
the mirror, with no recognition of the person staring back, that I knew I
needed to change. Not for anyone else, for me.
It’s
simple right? The more we eat, the bigger we get. The more we move and
exercise, the smaller we get. But not for me. Food is a drug, and it was mine.
It comforted me when I felt low which was most days for a good couple of years,
and why not treat myself to a Mars bar or three after my hard day of uni? I
deserved it didn’t I? The more I ‘rewarded’ myself for the many days I
struggled through, the more damage I was doing.
“When I wear that old top that shows off my waist – and it fits better than it did before - I walk out with my head held high and my confidence even higher”
Right
now, I’m almost 2 stone lighter, happier than I’ve been in three years and I’m
humbled by the love and support that surrounds me. I’d love to say it was
handed to me on a plate but I’ve worked my arse off and it’s taken many hours
down the gym and teaching myself about nutrition to get myself feeling as good
as I do today. I’m nowhere near where I want to be when it comes to my own
fitness goals, but I’ve taken a massive leap, and when I wear that old top that
shows off my waist – and it fits better than it did before - I walk out with my
head held high and my confidence even higher.
There are
many young women out there who want to lose weight, get healthier, and feel
better about themselves but feel they don’t have the tools and knowledge to do
so. Type into Google anything about fitness and weight-loss and we’re swamped
with diet programmes, scientific mumbo jumbo that never seems to make sense,
and success stories. Believe me, the amount of times I’ve searched the words
‘how to lose weight fast’ into every search engine is crazy. The answer is
simple: there is no quick and easy way to do it. This is where my little space
on the Internet comes in.
“I can’t really say I’ve put my heart and soul into this – but I feel this is the time”
I’ve
had my blog for a couple of years now and been very half-hearted about it. Just
a quick post here and there when I’ve purchased something that impressed me, or
if I’ve had a thought. I can’t really say I’ve put my heart and soul into this
– but I feel this is the time. I know how it feels to have low self-esteem,
with no motivation or drive to change; goals can feel completely out of reach.
But I plan to use this space to document my journey and help you on yours. I’ll
be writing motivational posts as I branch into fitness, health and lifestyle
writing and sharing tips and tricks that I learn along the way.
This blog
will be a place for positivity and motivation, giving women – and men – the
tools, inspiration and knowledge needed to achieve long-term fitness goals. If
I help at least one person to feel strong enough to get out there and make
changes then I have achieved what I’ve set out to do.
The time is now! Keep
in touch and read future posts by following my social media, and click here to read my last post on New Year
resolutions - make this year different!
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